Success

I've been thinking a lot lately about success and what makes one person more successful than another. There are several women I know that are my age or younger who have already surpassed me in terms of career success. On the one hand, this makes me a little envious. How have they already achieved so much when I feel I still have so much left to learn? On the other (more rational) hand, I realize that they probably had a clearer vision of what they wanted to be when they grew up.

When I went to college, I intended to become a psychologist. I soon realized, however, that while I enjoyed my psychology classes, I didn't have enough passion for it to justify pursuing it through graduate school. So I turned to creative writing, since that was the only other thing I could see myself doing at the time. By my senior year, I decided I wanted to write for a living, be it for magazines, newspapers, whatever. And for the most part that is what I have done since I graduated, beginning with piddly freelance assignments, working my way up to writing full time.

Only recently has public relations come on my radar, partly because of my job and partly because I joined the Florida Public Relations Association. Both of these experiences have awakened a new passion in me and opened up career paths I had never considered before.

So I suppose it is no wonder I feel like I am playing catch up to other women my age who knew from college that they wanted to work in PR. And I'm starting to realize I shouldn't beat myself up about it. So what? Who cares what age I am when I become a director? The idea is to take keep learning, keep striving to reach my goals. I'll get there one day.

What do you think? Have you ever felt like you weren't enough of a success? What have you done to attain your goals?

Wrote Tonight. Yay.

Days left: 328
Words written: 5,462

I haven't touched "the novel" in probably two months. I felt inspired tonight so I sat down and reacquainted myself with it. Felt good. Maybe I'll do some more tomorrow...

Why I am glad it is Friday...

Monday: My cat freaked out while sitting in my lap and scratched my neck and chest. Looked like I'd been in a fight (which I guess technically I was...)

Tuesday: My husband was out of town so I had to take my daughter to day care and pick her up after work (a total of more than two hours in the car for the day).

Wednesday: Couldn't sleep for the second night in a row because my hubby was gone (and I am a scaredy cat and think every little noise is a burglar) so was exhausted all day. And I had to drop off and pick up my daughter again. (I know. I am a big whiny whiner, but whatever. It still sucked.)

Thursday: As soon as I pulled into the parking lot at work, the day care called and said my daughter had thrown up so I needed to come and get her. (So that's two hours in the car in a row.) And then I got stung by a wasp.

Friday: Hubby is home, it's my pick for movie night and I don't have to cook. Yay!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Missing

Missing: One journal belonging to Kiley Annise Mallard. If found, please return to owner. Thanks.

I have been looking everywhere for my journal and cannot find it. I have looked under furniture, in all the closets, even in my car and my office (though why it would be there I have no idea). The only thing I can think is that I accidently packed it up with the Christmas decorations or threw it away with some old newspapers.

I am not so much worried about anyone reading it, as I am pretty much an open book. I'm more upset from a sentimental perspective. I started that journal while we were living in Michigan, the first year we were married, poured my loneliness into it for that year and a half. I wrote an entry in the hour after I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. My husband had to work that morning and I didn't want to tell him over the phone. But I also wanted him to be the first to know so turned to my journal to express my joy and excitement (and nervousness). I've worked out so many of my emotions in that journal. It is like a dear friend.

Hopefully it will turn up soon. I will keep you posted...

The Reason

I know I've been awfully quiet lately. Life has thrown a few curve balls at me in recent weeks so I have been busy sorting through all that. Anyway, for your viewing and listening pleasure, here is one of my favorite songs of all time, The Reason by Hoobastank. This song came out in 2003, the year I graduated from college, moved to Michigan and married my husband.

I love, love, love the lyrics and the message of this song. It begins with an admission of imperfection and longing to be a better person and how that can affect the ones we love. All something I can relate to. The thing I love about this song, though, is what it says about the power of love, how it can move us to become that better person and strive to change. Enjoy...

The Balancing Act

One of my guiltiest pleasures is reading People magazine and people.com. Recently, they had a short piece on Benjamin Bratt and his wife celebrating their eighth wedding anniversary. They talked about being parents and how much joy that brought to their lives, and how they are choosier now with work projects. This particular paragraph really spoke to me:

“Having children also has made the couple more discerning about their projects. ‘[Parenting] informs the work, enriches it,’ Bratt, 46, said. ‘The stakes are much higher on every level. The work that you choose will draw you away from that which you care for most, your family, [and] gets a whole new scrutiny.’”

I often feel torn between two worlds as a working mom — the world of work and my professional ambitions, and the world of my home life and being a good wife and mother. There are days I love my job, when everything clicks, when I can see a clear path toward accomplishing my goals. On those days, I have no doubts that I have made the right decision in being a working mom.

Then there are days when I really would rather just be at home with my daughter, watching her play with her puzzles and books, teaching her how to count to three. Mothering gives me such a sense of peace, maybe because life seems simpler when you hang out with a toddler. Everything is new to a 20 month old. Blowing bubbles never gets old. Ripe strawberries are the best food you’ve ever tasted. Daddy is the funniest person on the planet. Being a parent brings us both so much joy and laughter. How can any job compare?

I recently had a job opportunity that I was really excited about. The work would have been varied, fast-paced, challenging. The people seemed nice, fun and super talented. It really would have been a great career move. But right from the get-go, I wasn’t fully committed to landing the job. I was worried about my career taking too much time away from my family. I was worried about my plans to have another baby in the very near future. So I downplayed my experience and probably hinted too strongly about my family plans and didn’t get past the second interview. I secretly didn’t want to get offered the job so I wouldn’t have to decide. But when I didn’t end up getting it, I was disappointed. I felt like a coward. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the job anyway, but I think I will always feel a bit of regret for not going for it 100 percent.

So what is the lesson here? Can you really ever reconcile being a mom and being a career woman — especially when your children are very young and need so much of you? Was I wrong to want to stay where I’m comfortable, where I know what to expect given my family plans? I’d love to hear what others have to say…

Such a nice way of saying we are all procrastinators...

"There is no expedient to which man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking." - Sir Joshua Reynolds