Why I love editing more than writing...

“No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else’s draft.” — H.G. Wells

NaNoWriMo Update

So far National Novel Writing Month has been a bust. This pregnancy is kicking my butt. Seriously. Once I get home from work and get the child to sleep all I can muster the energy to do is collapse on the couch and watch television. And there have definitely been nights I've gone to sleep by 9 p.m. (okay sometimes 8:30...)

I really don't remember being this tired and achy with my first baby, though I suspect having a two year old to chase after and a hubby out of work may be contributing factors. I've had a rough couple of days this week (physically) and now am so far behind on the novel writing that I'm not sure it's worth trying to start. Sigh. Yet another goal abandoned.

There is just too much I want to do in a day and only so many hours (and so much energy) to accomplish it. If only I didn't have to sleep...

National Novel Writing Month

I signed up today to participate in National Novel Writing Month, a challenge to write 50,000 words in the month of November. You are judged solely on word count, not content, the idea being to encourage you to just write and not think so much, a way to silence your internal critic.

For me, personally, this has always been a problem. I am always second guessing my choices, whether they be plot details or word choices. My internal critic is always telling me my story is stupid, my characters aren't realistic, that nobody will want to read this. So, the more I read about National Novel Writing Month, the more I thought it would be a great exercise for me. A month to just let loose and let the words flow.

I'll be sure to keep you all up-to-date on my progress as the month progresses so stay tuned...

What's another word for...

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." —Burt Bacharach

Reevaluating

I recently finished reading Saving Cee Cee Honeycutt by Beth Hoffman, a wonderful story about forgiveness, filled with colorful characters you wish were real people. While reading an interview with the author, I discovered it had taken her four years to write the novel (from the moment she finished chapter one to when she sent it out to publishers).

Four.

Years.

And that was all she was doing (she had sold her interior design business to devote herself to writing full time).

This got me to thinking that perhaps the seven months I have left until my deadline weren't going to be enough. Especially considering I do work full time and will very soon have two children under the age of three to care for.

So. I am setting a new goal. 35. That is more than five years away. Surely by then I can string 80,000 or so words together in some sort of fashion enjoyable to readers.

Since we're on the setting new goals bandwagon, I am declaring - officially - that I am putting "the novel" on hold and starting a memoir/novel about my childhood and family. I just can't get the idea out of my head and feel I have to get it out of my system before I can move forward with this current project.

Stay tuned for progress on this new endeavor...

Wordless Wednesday (or What I have been working on instead of "the novel")

Review: New York by Edward Rutherfurd

I have a confession to make... I am a closet history junkie.

I remember as a kid touring Pebble Hill Plantation in Georgia and the Biltmore Estate up in North Carolina and how fascinated I was with these places that seemed frozen in time, a window into another era. I love learning how things used to be, how cultures and places have evolved over the centuries, where customs come from.

So that is one reason I picked up New York by Edward Rutherfurd (the other being that I am obsessed with New York City right now given that that is where “the novel” is set). Rutherfurd has made a career out of taking a place (London, Ireland, Russia, to name a few) and telling its history in novel form. As someone who loves history, but hates boring history books that just regurgitate names and dates and events, I thought I’d give it a shot.

New York was wonderful.

Rutherfurd begins in the 1600s with the Van Dyck/Master family and follows them through the generations to the present day, introducing other families along the way. The most interesting thing to me, was how the city itself becomes a character in the book as you watch it grow from a sleepy Dutch settlement through wars, blizzards, riots, booms and busts into the center of commerce and culture it is today.

Another thing Rutherfurd has captured perfectly is the indomitable American spirit, the dream of millions who have come to this country from oppression and poverty in hopes of a better life. The story of the Caruso family was particularly touching and true to life. These people seemed so real to me, emigrating from Italy to the U.S., suffering through tragedies and ultimately achieving the American dream.

The last few chapters deal with the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. I have felt other works that portrayed the events of 9/11 as being exploitative. That day is still so fresh in our minds that I feel it’s often used as a cheap way to evoke emotion. But Rutherfurd handles the material respectfully and weaves it so seamlessly into the storylines that I had no qualms about his including the attacks in the novel. And honestly, any history of New York City would be incomplete without touching on that day.

Edward Rutherfurd literally brought the history of New York City to life for me, and I highly recommend this book to any other closet history junkies out there.

You can't judge a book by its cover...

Or can you...

My boss often says that if she doesn't like the cover of a book, she won't pick it up. (She will set this rule aside, however, if someone tells her the book is actually very good.)

As an aspiring novelist, I often dream of what the covers of my books might look like. I am very much aware that the author usually has very little input into the design of the cover, and I wonder what it must feel like to put your hard work into the hands of another person to package for the world to see.

I was at the bookstore yesterday and noticed three fun new covers to novels that were very eye catching (all from Penguin books):

I love the bright pink flamingoes on this edition of Alice in Wonderland. Attractive and a nice, subtle referernce to the flamingo croquet played in the novel.

As much as I love great literature, I also very much enjoyed Bridget Jones Diary and very much like this new tattoo inspired cover.

Since Pride and Prejudice is my favorite novel of all time, I am glad to see this fun update to the cover. (If you see it in the store, you should pick it up and take a closer look. There are flaps inside the covers that extend the scenes. Very clever.)

Going back to judging a book by its cover, these are two I picked up based solely on their artwork. They are now two of my favorite novels:

If you've only seen the movie, you must read the book. SO much better.

The best love-to-hate heroine since Scarlett O'Hara.

What are your favorite book covers? What novels did you pick up because you liked the cover?

Time

So July was insanely busy on all fronts (personal and professional). Thankfully, it looks like things will be slowing down a bit in August, so hopefully I will be able to get back the "the novel." But for now, I want to talk about time. I've written a lot on this blog about how little time I seem to have for myself and how, when I finally get an hour or two, it's hard to use it to do something productive as opposed to say, vegging out on the couch and watching television.

Just so you know I'm not joking, here is what my Monday through Friday look like...

6 a.m. Alarm goes off and I hit the snooze.
6:09 a.m. Alarm goes off again and I hit the snooze again.
6:18 a.m. Alarm goes off (again) and I hit the snooze (again).
6:27 a.m. Alarm goes off and I hit the snooze, look at the clock, (curse) and get out of bed.
7:10 a.m. Kiss my hubby and baby goodbye and head to the office.
7:30 a.m. to Noon Work (read/pull newsclips, answer e-mail/voicemail, editing, etc.)
Noonish Lunch, typically eaten at my desk or I'll use this hour to run errands.
1 to 4:30 p.m. Work (editing, writing, planning, meetings).
4:30 p.m. Leave work to pick up my daughter from daycare.
5:45 p.m. Finally get home, start dinner.
6:30 p.m. Eat dinner with the hubs and baby.
7 p.m. Bathtime (my favorite part of my day)
7:30 p.m. Put the baby to bed and do whatever chores need doing (dishes, laundry, whatever)
8 to 9:30 p.m. Time for myself (typically watch television with the hubs or get in bed to read)
9:30 to 10 p.m. Bedtime

Weekends are, of course, less hectic. In fact, I make a point of making sure that on weekend mornings we can all hang out in our pajamas and eat a big breakfast. I also make a point of spending as much time as possible with my daughter since our time is so limited during the week. For those out there without children, spending hours reading Dr. Suess or pushing a two year old on a swing may seem like a boring way to spend the weekend, but, honestly, there is nothing I would rather be doing. Spending time with my husband and daughter, even if we're just shopping at Target, is the highlight of my week.

The part where the guilt comes in is when my daughter goes down for her nap after lunch. I always have this debate in my mind whether to use this magic hour or two to write or to watch a movie/read/nap. Most of the time the latter activities win and then the weekend is over and I feel guilty for not getting any writing done. Sigh. It is a vicious circle.

So what do you all think? Am I being too hard on myself?

Better go, my daughter is waking up from her nap...

Busy Girl

"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full." — Henry Kissinger

Do you ever feel this way? I sure have lately! I know I have been a bad, bad blogger, but I have been so busy I'm surprised I've found time to sleep! I promise to post a longer update this weekend...

July?!

How can it possibly be July 1 already? That means I have 312 days left 'til my 30th birthday. With my word count stalled out at 5,462, I'm beginning to rethink this whole "finish my first novel by my 30th birthday" thing.

So what is a realistic goal for writing a novel? Especially when you factor in working full time and caring for a 23 month old daughter (and all the other things life throws at you)? I suppose one answer is that if I was truly passionate about writing this novel, I would find the time to make it happen. Someone else might say that you can't force creativity — and this is especially true for me as I often have to mull things over for a while before I actually sit down to write, even in my writing in my professional life. But at what point does this "mulling things over" become simple procrastination?

I've been thinking lately about pausing on the writing of this novel to write something totally different. Not a memoir, per se, but a novel based on my own childhood and family. I've done a lot of similar writing in the past and its almost like I need to get that out of the way to free me up to write the half dozen or so other stories in my head. Perhaps I will mull this idea over the long July 4th weekend...

Success

I've been thinking a lot lately about success and what makes one person more successful than another. There are several women I know that are my age or younger who have already surpassed me in terms of career success. On the one hand, this makes me a little envious. How have they already achieved so much when I feel I still have so much left to learn? On the other (more rational) hand, I realize that they probably had a clearer vision of what they wanted to be when they grew up.

When I went to college, I intended to become a psychologist. I soon realized, however, that while I enjoyed my psychology classes, I didn't have enough passion for it to justify pursuing it through graduate school. So I turned to creative writing, since that was the only other thing I could see myself doing at the time. By my senior year, I decided I wanted to write for a living, be it for magazines, newspapers, whatever. And for the most part that is what I have done since I graduated, beginning with piddly freelance assignments, working my way up to writing full time.

Only recently has public relations come on my radar, partly because of my job and partly because I joined the Florida Public Relations Association. Both of these experiences have awakened a new passion in me and opened up career paths I had never considered before.

So I suppose it is no wonder I feel like I am playing catch up to other women my age who knew from college that they wanted to work in PR. And I'm starting to realize I shouldn't beat myself up about it. So what? Who cares what age I am when I become a director? The idea is to take keep learning, keep striving to reach my goals. I'll get there one day.

What do you think? Have you ever felt like you weren't enough of a success? What have you done to attain your goals?

Wrote Tonight. Yay.

Days left: 328
Words written: 5,462

I haven't touched "the novel" in probably two months. I felt inspired tonight so I sat down and reacquainted myself with it. Felt good. Maybe I'll do some more tomorrow...

Why I am glad it is Friday...

Monday: My cat freaked out while sitting in my lap and scratched my neck and chest. Looked like I'd been in a fight (which I guess technically I was...)

Tuesday: My husband was out of town so I had to take my daughter to day care and pick her up after work (a total of more than two hours in the car for the day).

Wednesday: Couldn't sleep for the second night in a row because my hubby was gone (and I am a scaredy cat and think every little noise is a burglar) so was exhausted all day. And I had to drop off and pick up my daughter again. (I know. I am a big whiny whiner, but whatever. It still sucked.)

Thursday: As soon as I pulled into the parking lot at work, the day care called and said my daughter had thrown up so I needed to come and get her. (So that's two hours in the car in a row.) And then I got stung by a wasp.

Friday: Hubby is home, it's my pick for movie night and I don't have to cook. Yay!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Missing

Missing: One journal belonging to Kiley Annise Mallard. If found, please return to owner. Thanks.

I have been looking everywhere for my journal and cannot find it. I have looked under furniture, in all the closets, even in my car and my office (though why it would be there I have no idea). The only thing I can think is that I accidently packed it up with the Christmas decorations or threw it away with some old newspapers.

I am not so much worried about anyone reading it, as I am pretty much an open book. I'm more upset from a sentimental perspective. I started that journal while we were living in Michigan, the first year we were married, poured my loneliness into it for that year and a half. I wrote an entry in the hour after I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. My husband had to work that morning and I didn't want to tell him over the phone. But I also wanted him to be the first to know so turned to my journal to express my joy and excitement (and nervousness). I've worked out so many of my emotions in that journal. It is like a dear friend.

Hopefully it will turn up soon. I will keep you posted...

The Reason

I know I've been awfully quiet lately. Life has thrown a few curve balls at me in recent weeks so I have been busy sorting through all that. Anyway, for your viewing and listening pleasure, here is one of my favorite songs of all time, The Reason by Hoobastank. This song came out in 2003, the year I graduated from college, moved to Michigan and married my husband.

I love, love, love the lyrics and the message of this song. It begins with an admission of imperfection and longing to be a better person and how that can affect the ones we love. All something I can relate to. The thing I love about this song, though, is what it says about the power of love, how it can move us to become that better person and strive to change. Enjoy...

The Balancing Act

One of my guiltiest pleasures is reading People magazine and people.com. Recently, they had a short piece on Benjamin Bratt and his wife celebrating their eighth wedding anniversary. They talked about being parents and how much joy that brought to their lives, and how they are choosier now with work projects. This particular paragraph really spoke to me:

“Having children also has made the couple more discerning about their projects. ‘[Parenting] informs the work, enriches it,’ Bratt, 46, said. ‘The stakes are much higher on every level. The work that you choose will draw you away from that which you care for most, your family, [and] gets a whole new scrutiny.’”

I often feel torn between two worlds as a working mom — the world of work and my professional ambitions, and the world of my home life and being a good wife and mother. There are days I love my job, when everything clicks, when I can see a clear path toward accomplishing my goals. On those days, I have no doubts that I have made the right decision in being a working mom.

Then there are days when I really would rather just be at home with my daughter, watching her play with her puzzles and books, teaching her how to count to three. Mothering gives me such a sense of peace, maybe because life seems simpler when you hang out with a toddler. Everything is new to a 20 month old. Blowing bubbles never gets old. Ripe strawberries are the best food you’ve ever tasted. Daddy is the funniest person on the planet. Being a parent brings us both so much joy and laughter. How can any job compare?

I recently had a job opportunity that I was really excited about. The work would have been varied, fast-paced, challenging. The people seemed nice, fun and super talented. It really would have been a great career move. But right from the get-go, I wasn’t fully committed to landing the job. I was worried about my career taking too much time away from my family. I was worried about my plans to have another baby in the very near future. So I downplayed my experience and probably hinted too strongly about my family plans and didn’t get past the second interview. I secretly didn’t want to get offered the job so I wouldn’t have to decide. But when I didn’t end up getting it, I was disappointed. I felt like a coward. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the job anyway, but I think I will always feel a bit of regret for not going for it 100 percent.

So what is the lesson here? Can you really ever reconcile being a mom and being a career woman — especially when your children are very young and need so much of you? Was I wrong to want to stay where I’m comfortable, where I know what to expect given my family plans? I’d love to hear what others have to say…

Such a nice way of saying we are all procrastinators...

"There is no expedient to which man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking." - Sir Joshua Reynolds

Research...

What I've learned so far about novel writing is that, like the writing I do in my professional life, it requires a lot of research. My main female character is a painter and while I have taken many art classes in my lifetime (from photography in high school to art history in college), I feel the need to brush up on my knowledge.

Here are a few tidbits I picked up this evening...

1. FSU has an art gallery for its Master of Fine Arts students - Big Bend Contemporary - to not only display their works, but to gain experience in developing, preparing, installing and presenting exhibitions.

2. In art schools, students used to have to spend years learning to draw before they were allowed to use paint.

3. We "read" paintings the way we read words on the page - left to right.

4. Expressionists (early 20th century), such as Matisse, studied and developed Van Gogh's sense of shape and color. Cubists (also early 20th century), like Picasso, were inspired by the planes in Cezanne's work. (Loved how this seems an incarnation of how each generation takes what the previous generation did and redefines it, pushes it further...)

5. One interpretation of why Van Gogh painted the stars so large in "The Starry Night" (above) was simply that he thought they were beautiful and wanted to express his joy in looking at them. (I thought this was a very simple and clear explanation of what it means to take a subject and interpret it through painting.)

Image from Wikipedia.

The Long Road Ahead

Days left: 419
Words written: 4,715

As far as writing sessions go, this was not my most productive one. But that is not the point. The point is that I wrote! On a Tuesday night! For the first time in weeks! So yay me!

I know you probably get tired of hearing my excuses because I get tired of hearing my excuses. So, tonight I decided to suck it up and just write. I have to say it was tough, mostly because I haven't worked on "the novel" in a few weeks so it took a while to get the juices flowing again.

Writing, I find, is a lot like exercise. The more you do it, the easier it is and the stronger you get. When you don't do it for a while, you basically have to start all over again and deal with sore muscles and getting back into a routine, etc.

Obviously, intellectually I know this. It's putting it into practice that I've always had trouble with. Which is the whole point of this project - to see if I can actually break my bad habits and actually complete a story I start.

Looks like I still have a long way to go...

(Photo from wvs.)

Review: An Echo in the Bone

Last Sunday, I finished reading An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon. This is the seventh novel in Gabaldon's Outlander series, which feature Claire Beauchamp and Jamie Fraser. The series began with Claire traveling back in time from the late-1940s to 18th century Scotland, where she met and married James Fraser. The subsequent novels are about their adventures together and eventually the adventures of their grown children as well.

Though all the books in the series are on the long side (Echo was 814 pages in hardcover), the story is typically gripping enough that the pages seem to fly by.

I did not find this to be the case with Echo. I never thought I would finish this book. Maybe it was because there was so much going on - there are several storylines and numerous points of view. I found it hard to keep track of who was doing what and why. (Perhaps because, being a working mother, I was only able to read a chapter or two a night.)

There were two specific things that bothered me about this novel. One, Gabaldon's lengthy and detailed descriptions of medical procedures (including the amputation of a character's finger). Claire, who is the only character Gabaldon writes in the first person perspective, is a doctor, but is it really necessary to go into that much detail? Gabaldon's background as a research scientist is clear in these passages.

The second thing that bothered me was that Gabaldon spends so much time on the middle of the novel that the end feels a bit rushed. This is especially true of a fight scene between two characters that she spends the whole novel building towards. A gun goes off and then we cut to a few hours later, having to assume what happened. Very disappointing.

Other than that, I enjoyed the book. Gabaldon is a master of bringing the 18th century to life. Not just the big events, like the American Revolution depicted in Echo, but the day to day lives of the people of the time. How they cooked, washed their clothes, behaved toward each other. I find it all fascinating.

These are characters I have spent a great deal of time with having read the six previous novels, and I go through withdrawal every time I finish one and have to say goodbye. If you love losing yourself in another time, I highly recommend this series. The earlier novels (Outlander and Dragonfly in Amber) are much more streamlined and seem to zip along in comparison with the latter few.

Lazy Bum

Days left: 422
Words written: 4,568

A few weeks ago, I had one of those days where the words just flowed out of me and I wrote like a thousand words in just a couple of hours. It felt amazing!

That has not happened since, mainly due to lack of motivation on my part. I admit it. I have been a lazy bum, preferring to nap or watch a movie instead of working on "the novel" in the hour or two I get to myself on the weekend. Frankly, I am not even feeling that motivated today (hence why I am blogging and not writing).

Knowing myself though, I realize I will never really feel like writing. It's something I just have to make myself do. Usually, once I get going, I get into it and enjoy myself, but it's that initial push that feels so much like work.

Sigh.

I suppose that that is what I need to do this afternoon. Or tomorrow...

Books

"These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves." — Gilbert Highet

To Outline, or Not to Outline...

Days left: 456
Words written: 3,601

For those of you paying close attention, my word count just went backwards. Well, it turns out when you change your mind about what direction you want a major character to go in, it takes a big bite out of what you've already written involving that character. I've now got a document labeled "Abandoned Story Lines" where much of what I had written for Ronnie now lives.

This is a good thing (I hope). I now have a very clear vision of where this novel is going - or at least where the first ten chapters are going to go, since that is what I've outlined so far. I have found outlining a very useful tool in my professional writing life, but have never used it for fiction before. One of my writing teachers in college taught me that the story should evolve as it's being written. The problem with this theory (for me at least), is that I never feel like I'm getting anywhere. If I don't know where the story is going, how will I know when I get there?

So, I'm trying something new and so far I like it. I feel like I have a plan of action now, a concrete goal to accomplish. Hopefully this will get me writing more frequently as, quite frankly, the television and the couch have been winning the war for my free time of late.

In closing, here's a question for all you fellow writers out there: Do you outline when working on a creative project? If so, do you find it helpful or does it kill your creative spirit?

Faith

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." — Martin Luther King Jr.

The Revelation

I was sitting at my desk last Friday, watching an episode of Felicity on my lunch break when I had a revelation about my novel. I was thinking about my character Ronnie and how I just haven't been happy with how her story is developing and the way she and Mark meet and why they would continue to talk to each other. This has bothered me from the very conception of these two characters. The whole idea of her wanting to "paint" him and him just opening up to her about his whole life always seemed so flimsy to me.

So, when this idea hit me the other day it was like solving a problem that has been bothering me for years. Totally invigorating! I felt more inspired than I have since starting this project.

Unfortunately, the timing of this revelation couldn't be worse. My boss has been out recovering from surgery so I have been doing her job as well as mine. As if that isn't enough, we have a new employee in Communications that I have been training. I can handle it at work, but I've been truly exhausted, drained, done by the time I get home at the end of the day. I was able to wrap up a couple of pressing projects last week so I am hoping the next week will be a little less hectic and I'll have the energy to do some work on "the novel" when I get home.

We'll see...

The Talented Mr. Mayer

One of the presents my husband got me for Christmas was John Mayer's latest album, Battle Studies. As usual, Mr. Mayer has proven himself to be a first class musician and lyricist. The album is filled with songs about heartbreak and odes to the single life (fitting given Mr. Mayer's penchant for serial dating), and I have been listening to it almost non-stop since getting it.

I love John Mayer not just because he's so friggin' hot. I mean, hello:

As someone (slightly) obsessed with words and language, I love his lyrics. For instance, in the first track off this album, Heartbreak Warfare, he writes: "How come the only way to know how high you get me, is to see how far I fall? God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me, but I can't break through it all." Totally captures how the people we love the most are also the ones that can hurt us the worst. How sometimes you just push to see how far you can go.

And in Edge of Desire, he sings, "Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me. 'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see. I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe. There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me." The yearning in his voice, I mean...wow. Makes me weak at the knees. I'd be over in a heartbeat! (Except for the fact that I'm happily married of course.)

Anyway, just wanted to share my latest obsession. If you want a copy of Battle Studies or any of Mr. Mayer's other masterpieces, you can get them here. (I highly recommend Continuum, which in my opinion is his best work to date.) Enjoy!

The CBC, Day Nine and Wrap Up

Days left: 491
Words written: 5,219

Despite being a bit of a grouch today and really just wanting to lay on the couch and veg out, I managed to write about 550 words.That brings my total word count to 5,219.

When I started the Christmas Break Challenge last Saturday, I only had 975 words written. That means the challenge word count is 4,244! Though that number is shy of my 4,500 word goal for the week, I also didn't write on two days that I'd calculated in for that total. So, I actually wrote more than my 500-words-a-day goal on the days I did write. Something I am very proud of.

Other than getting my word count up and the story going, this challenge has made me realize me two things.

One, I need to just write. Doesn't matter what, just that I'm doing it, just that I'm getting words on paper. It's much easier (for me at least) to go back and fix what I've got that to start from a blank page.

And two, that writing fiction can be fun. I had totally forgotten that. Yes, it is work. It requires research and revision and I'm not always going to be able to use everything I write. But it is also fun. I've had a blast seeing these characters and their world come to life. Inspiration is literally everywhere and it's been fun to pull in ideas and instances from all parts of my life and my brain.

I hope you have enjoyed following me this week. I go back to work tomorrow, but am going to try to start writing regularly on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the evenings (HA! I've said that before, right.) Keep checking back to see how I do...

The CBC, Days Six Through Eight

Days left: 492
Words written: 4,671

Happy New Year!

Having my dad, sister, niece and two nephews here (in addition to my own daughter), as well as it being New Year's Eve and Day, proved to be too much of a distraction to get any writing done on days six and seven of the Christmas Break Challenge. Is that enough justification for skipping writing on those two days?

I got right back in the saddle today, revising much of what I'd written for Ronnie and adding another 557 words to the total. I think I'm pretty much done with the rough draft of chapter one and can move forward with the story. Next up, getting these two characters in the same room and talking. That's where the story really begins...

Tomorrow is the last day of my challenge so we'll tally everything up then.