New Fav

I recently started following @notmommyofyear on Twitter and today finally got around to checking out her blog, Not Mommy of the Year. I love it and can so relate to so many of her posts. For example, the post about her daughter wanting to sing "Mississippi Girl" instead of "You Are My Sunshine"? Yes, except insert "Single Ladies" in my case! If you are a mommy, especially a working mommy, be sure to check it out...

Entering the great maternity leave debate...

Having just given birth to my second child two months ago, maternity leave has been on my mind a lot lately. With my first baby I was able to take off the full 12 weeks granted me by the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Between my vacation and sick hours and short term disability insurance, I was paid at some level for about half of that time. The last six weeks or so, we relied on our savings to make up the difference.

Me on maternity leave with my second child

With my second baby, I did intend to again take the full 12 weeks. This time, I had enough sick and vacation hours that, combined with my short term disability insurance, I was able to be paid 100 percent of my salary for the first eight weeks. After that it would have been unpaid leave.

About five weeks in, my husband had some legal trouble and was put on unpaid administrative leave from his job. I quickly realized that we both could not be on unpaid leave and still pay the bills. I made the difficult decision to come back to work early.

While my coworkers have made every effort to make my transition back to work as easy as possible, I have to admit I felt a bit frustrated and angry that I was being cheated out of this precious time with my newborn daughter, both at my husband and at the maternity leave policies in this country in general. Never before have I wished so much to live in, say, the United Kingdom where they get 52 weeks of paid maternity leave (at least partial pay), or even one of many countries in South America that get 12 weeks or more of maternity leave at 100 percent pay (Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, to name a few).

Upon doing a little research (okay, I just went to Wikipedia, but still!), I learned that the United States is the only industrialized country that doesn’t provide paid leave for new mothers nationally, though there are exceptions in some U.S. states. How messed up is that? Mothers in Botswana get paid leave, but moms in the most powerful country in the world are forced to pull together a combination of sick and vacation hours, disability insurance and savings or be unpaid altogether (if they can afford it).

So my question is this, if you are a mother, how much leave did you take and how much of it was paid? Did you feel ready to go back to work when you did?

The Balancing Act

One of my guiltiest pleasures is reading People magazine and people.com. Recently, they had a short piece on Benjamin Bratt and his wife celebrating their eighth wedding anniversary. They talked about being parents and how much joy that brought to their lives, and how they are choosier now with work projects. This particular paragraph really spoke to me:

“Having children also has made the couple more discerning about their projects. ‘[Parenting] informs the work, enriches it,’ Bratt, 46, said. ‘The stakes are much higher on every level. The work that you choose will draw you away from that which you care for most, your family, [and] gets a whole new scrutiny.’”

I often feel torn between two worlds as a working mom — the world of work and my professional ambitions, and the world of my home life and being a good wife and mother. There are days I love my job, when everything clicks, when I can see a clear path toward accomplishing my goals. On those days, I have no doubts that I have made the right decision in being a working mom.

Then there are days when I really would rather just be at home with my daughter, watching her play with her puzzles and books, teaching her how to count to three. Mothering gives me such a sense of peace, maybe because life seems simpler when you hang out with a toddler. Everything is new to a 20 month old. Blowing bubbles never gets old. Ripe strawberries are the best food you’ve ever tasted. Daddy is the funniest person on the planet. Being a parent brings us both so much joy and laughter. How can any job compare?

I recently had a job opportunity that I was really excited about. The work would have been varied, fast-paced, challenging. The people seemed nice, fun and super talented. It really would have been a great career move. But right from the get-go, I wasn’t fully committed to landing the job. I was worried about my career taking too much time away from my family. I was worried about my plans to have another baby in the very near future. So I downplayed my experience and probably hinted too strongly about my family plans and didn’t get past the second interview. I secretly didn’t want to get offered the job so I wouldn’t have to decide. But when I didn’t end up getting it, I was disappointed. I felt like a coward. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the job anyway, but I think I will always feel a bit of regret for not going for it 100 percent.

So what is the lesson here? Can you really ever reconcile being a mom and being a career woman — especially when your children are very young and need so much of you? Was I wrong to want to stay where I’m comfortable, where I know what to expect given my family plans? I’d love to hear what others have to say…

Working Mom Blues

I am having a blah day today. Probably has something to do with it being Monday and the start of another work week which means leaving my lovely daughter with her sitter and sitting in this windowless office for nine hours. Blah. Not to mention we are having just gorgeous weather for August. So to be honest, I'd just really rather be hanging in the backyard with my sweet girl, watching her discover the feel of grass between her toes.

Ahh, working motherhood...

I was thinking on that topic earlier and remembered my sister saying (before my daughter was even born) that working moms can't have it all, that something will inevitably be neglected. At the time I dismissed her comment, thinking that because she was essentially a stay-at-home mom, she didn't know what she was talking about. Now that I am on the other side, however, I think there is a grain of truth to her statement.

In my experience as a working mom, the thing that gets neglected the most is, well, me. During the work week, I wake up at 6:00 a.m. (well, more like 6:27 a.m. thanks to the snooze button), and I really don't stop until I put the baby to bed at 8:00 p.m. Sometimes later, depending on what chores need to be done. Weekends aren't much better sometimes, though I do get to sleep until 7:30 or so thanks to my darling husband. Yesterday, for instance, from the time I got up until after 8:30 p.m., I was going, going, going. Making breakfast, cleaning the kitchen, doing the grocery shopping, feeding/changing/playing with the baby throughout.

By 4:30, when my husband plopped down on the couch to watch a movie, I looked on with envy (and anger?) because I would have loved nothing more than to do the same. But the baby needed a snack, and, oh, I have to clean the toilets, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes the weekends are worse than the work week and I look forward to Monday and the one hour I get for lunch so I can sit still and read my book while I eat leftovers in my office.

I bring all of this up to vent because, honestly, I don't have a solution. If only I didn't have to sleep...