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"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" performed by Judy Garland

2011-12-19T08:57:00.000-05:00

There are many versions of this song, but in my opinion, you can't beat the original. This has been my favorite Christmas song this year. It has been hard to get in the Christmas spirit without my husband around, but I am "muddling through somehow." The thing I love about this song is the sense of hope for the future, that in time things will be good again. That is what is getting me through right now.

Merry Christmas!

Week in Review (Dec. 12-16

2011-12-16T16:35:00.001-05:00

Monday — Was 15 minutes late to work because it took me40 minutes to get through downtown Tampa (a distance of less than two miles).Did I mention that I was actually running 10 minutes ahead of schedule thatmorning and was excited to get to the office early to get the work weekunderway. Didn’t happen.

Downtown Tampa as viewed from our boat on the Hillsborough River.

Tuesday — Bad day all around. More traffic woes on my wayin (car had slammed into a pole on the other side of the road and everyone hadto slow down to gawk at it), couldn’t get the copy for the parents’ newsletterright, and Western Union rejected my money transfer to my hubby because theydidn’t believe I was me (wasting a good hour of my day). The bright spot inthat mess was attending my three-year-old’s Christmas program and watching hersing “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”

Wednesday — Muchbetter day. Got to work early, banged out a press release and finally got thecopy for that newsletter straightened out.

Thursday —Best day of the week, by far. Finished copy foranother newsletter, went on aHillsborough River cruise with my fellow UT Public Information peeps (so fun)and had a blast playing with my three-year-old in the evening.

Friday — Decent day. First one in the office thismorning, talked to a Congressional Medal of Honor recipient this afternoon, andhave been noshing on all the yummy vendor holiday swag we’ve been getting atthe office this week (thank God for Ghirardelli gift baskets). Not to mentionit is FRIDAY!

Discovered this week: ABC’s Revenge. All the episodes are up online right now and it is suchgood guilty pleasure fun. Check it out.

Plans for the weekend: Two words. Christmas. Shopping.(Haven’t even started so I will be out with the crazies tomorrow, babies intow!)

What are you doing this weekend?

Wordless Wednesday: Oh My Darlin' Clementine

2011-12-07T08:29:00.001-05:00

(One of the reasons I love winter in Florida.)

"The Cave" by Mumford and Sons

2011-12-05T12:44:00.001-05:00

I cannot get this song out of my head. The lead singer has a great voice, all deep and gritty.

I love the lyrics, especially the chorus:

"But I will hold on hope
And I won’t let you choke
On the noose around your neck

"And I’ll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I’ll know my name as it’s called again"

And I also love the banjo. Not an instrument you hear often on the radio, unless you're listening to a country station, and even then not so much anymore.

New Routine

2011-12-02T12:12:00.001-05:00

This has been a rough week for me. Basically, my husbandis going to be away from home for quite a while and this was my first weekwithout him around. Besides missing him (a lot; he is my best friend after all),it has been a challenge for me to figure out how to juggle everything bymyself. He’s always been the one to get the kids up and ready in the morning,so I had to work that into my schedule.

The three-year-old

Bedtime has been the other big challenge. Typically, we’d“divide and conquer” — I’d put the baby down and he’d read to ourthree-year-old and the whole thing would be done by 8 p.m. This week, I’ve nursedand rocked the baby down around 7:30 p.m., then immediately started the processof getting the three-year-old to bed.

And it is a process! First I have to get her up thestairs, not easy when she doesn’t want to go to bed and goes all limp-noodlearms on me. You try carrying an unwilling 30 pound three-year-old up 17 stairsand see if you’re not winded! Then I have to get her to brush her teeth withoutsucking all the toothpaste off the toothbrush or spilling water down her shirt.Once I finally get her to sit in my lap after she’s spent five minutes makingfaces at herself in the mirror, we have ten minutes or so of peace while I readher a story or two (which I actually love). Then comes getting her in the bedand tucking her in. I’ll ask for a hug and a kiss and she will wrap her littlearms around my neck and give me a hundred slobbery kisses (my absolute favoritepart of the process). Once I’ve extricated myself from her grasp, I turn outher light and say I love you and close the door. Usually, within five minutesof closing that door — just enough time for me to sit down and turn the TV onto see what’s on the DVR — she comes out of the room to say she has to gopee-pee. Sigh.

Most nights I’ve been lucky to get a half hour of “me”time before falling exhausted into bed.

Not that I don’t love being a mom, because being with mykids truly is the best part of my day. It’s just that this week has been harderthan usual without my parenting partner there to help keep the chaos to aminimum. I suppose like all things in life, I will get used to this newroutine.

But today, I am truly thankful it is Friday!

New Fav

2011-07-19T14:34:00.001-04:00

I recently started following @notmommyofyear on Twitter and today finally got around to checking out her blog, Not Mommy of the Year. I love it and can so relate to so many of her posts. For example, the post about her daughter wanting to sing "Mississippi Girl" instead of "You Are My Sunshine"? Yes, except insert "Single Ladies" in my case! If you are a mommy, especially a working mommy, be sure to check it out...

I Heart Shania

2011-07-18T13:35:00.000-04:00

I have loved Shania Twain since I first heard her song "Any Man of Mine" as a teenager. I loved the sassiness of that song and only grew to love her more as she released a series of albums full of love songs and girl power anthems. She was the first artist I went to see in concert and the woman puts on an amazing show.

I have missed her the last few years while she's been out of the spotlight dealing with things in her personal life. I am so glad she's back with an awesome new single (see below) and the announcement she'll be headlining a show at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. I have never had a desire to go to Vegas before, but with that announcement it moved to the top of my list!

If you haven't watched her docuseries on the OWN Network, "Why Not? with Shania Twain," I highly recommend it. With everything that's been going on in my personal life lately, I could relate to her journey and she truly gave me hope for the future.

Eye to the Telescope (Music Monday on a Tuesday because it feels like Monday)

2011-05-31T15:30:00.000-04:00

I know this album has been out for quite a while (like years), but lately I have been obsessed with K.T. Tunstall's Eye to the Telescope.

Every.

Single.

Song.

The lyrics, the music, her voice. Perfection. I highly suggest you check it out...

Wealth

2011-05-12T09:06:00.000-04:00

"There are all kinds of wealth, and while everybody needs to make a living, it’s really poetry that makes me a rich man." - David Kirby, poet and professor at Florida State University

What makes your life richer?

Wordless Wednesday: "Grown-Up Purse"

2011-05-11T08:42:00.000-04:00

(Thanks Mom & Dad for this awesome birthday present!)

Thoughts on 30

2011-05-10T09:35:00.000-04:00

Top 10 moments of my twenties…

1. The birth of my first daughter, Evelyn Grace (7/31/2008)

2. The birth of my second daughter, Darcy Elizabeth (3/4/2011)

3. Saying “I do” to my husband (11/8/2003)

4. Blake asking me to marry him (5/17/2002)

5. Graduating cum laude from Florida State (5/2/2003)

6. Buying my first new car (10/2007)

7. Buying our first house (7/1/2005)

8. Visiting Disney World with Blake (12/5-9/2009)

9. Starting my first “real” job (Florida Department of State, 7/1/2005)

10. Buying our dream home (4/17/2009)

Top 10 plans and dreams for my thirties…

1. Watching my daughters grow and change

2. Celebrating 10 years of marriage (and 20 years of being a couple)

3. Exploring new career opportunities

4. Possibly living in a new city and discovering its personality and hidden gems

5. Family vacations and getaways with my husband and sisters

6. Finishing my first novel (hopefully!)

7. Learning Spanish and brushing up on my French

8. Visiting New York City and, with any luck, Italy and/or France

9. Owning a car that can accommodate a family of four and all of our stuff on a road trip

10. Planting an herb and vegetable garden and keeping it alive for more than a month

Waiting for the End

2011-05-09T11:05:00.002-04:00

Obsessed with this song right now...

Will reading Pooh give your daughter an inferiority complex?

2011-05-06T14:45:00.004-04:00

I read an article this week about a study that found a bias toward male leads in 20th century children's books. The study found that this bias was even worse when the characters were animals. The study's author, Janice McCabe, an assistant professor of sociology at Florida State University, concludes that:

Photo credit

"The widespread pattern of underrepresentation of females that we find supports the belief that female characters are less important and interesting than male characters. This may contribute to a sense of unimportance among girls and privilege among boys. The gender inequalities we found may be particularly powerful because they are reinforced by patterns of male-dominated characters in many other aspects of children’s media, including cartoons, G-rated films, video games and even coloring books.”

(You can read the full article here.)

As a mother of two young girls, this got me to thinking about the books I read to them. While some of them seem fairly gender neutral ("Goodnight Moon," "The Sneetches" and "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" by Dr. Suess, "The Very Hungry Catepillar"), my daughter's favorites, "Llama Llama Red Pajama" and "Winnie the Pooh," are definitely dominated by male characters. Even her favorite television show, "Go Diego Go," has a male lead.

So my question is, does this really matter? Will reading too many male dominated books and watching too many male dominated shows really make her feel less important than her male cohorts?

When I think on my own reading and viewing history, I am struck by how many strong female leads there are in my favorite books, shows and movies: Elizabeth Bennett in "Pride and Prejudice" and Anne Shirley in "Anne of Green Gables"; Sidney Bristow in "Alias" and Buffy in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"; Danielle de Barbarac in "Ever After" and Miranda Priestly in "The Devil Wears Prada" (to name a few).

I consider myself very much a feminist and feel that women's contributions to this world are every bit as important as men's. So, since I know for a fact that my own parents read many of the same books to me that I read to my daughters (that is why I picked most of them), are the findings of this study bogus? Am I just an exception to the rule? What is your opinion? What are some of your favorite female leads?

Wordless Wednesday: "Push Present"

2011-05-04T10:07:00.000-04:00

(Happy two-month birthday to my Darcy!)

Entering the great maternity leave debate...

2011-05-03T13:56:00.000-04:00

Having just given birth to my second child two months ago, maternity leave has been on my mind a lot lately. With my first baby I was able to take off the full 12 weeks granted me by the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Between my vacation and sick hours and short term disability insurance, I was paid at some level for about half of that time. The last six weeks or so, we relied on our savings to make up the difference.

Me on maternity leave with my second child

With my second baby, I did intend to again take the full 12 weeks. This time, I had enough sick and vacation hours that, combined with my short term disability insurance, I was able to be paid 100 percent of my salary for the first eight weeks. After that it would have been unpaid leave.

About five weeks in, my husband had some legal trouble and was put on unpaid administrative leave from his job. I quickly realized that we both could not be on unpaid leave and still pay the bills. I made the difficult decision to come back to work early.

While my coworkers have made every effort to make my transition back to work as easy as possible, I have to admit I felt a bit frustrated and angry that I was being cheated out of this precious time with my newborn daughter, both at my husband and at the maternity leave policies in this country in general. Never before have I wished so much to live in, say, the United Kingdom where they get 52 weeks of paid maternity leave (at least partial pay), or even one of many countries in South America that get 12 weeks or more of maternity leave at 100 percent pay (Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, to name a few).

Upon doing a little research (okay, I just went to Wikipedia, but still!), I learned that the United States is the only industrialized country that doesn’t provide paid leave for new mothers nationally, though there are exceptions in some U.S. states. How messed up is that? Mothers in Botswana get paid leave, but moms in the most powerful country in the world are forced to pull together a combination of sick and vacation hours, disability insurance and savings or be unpaid altogether (if they can afford it).

So my question is this, if you are a mother, how much leave did you take and how much of it was paid? Did you feel ready to go back to work when you did?

Change

2011-05-03T10:03:00.004-04:00

"With victories over both Miami and Florida this year and a bowl win, Coach Fisher has shown us that change is not something we need to fear." — Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, to The Florida State University graduating class of 2011

Nobody said it was easy...

2011-04-27T10:14:00.003-04:00

There have definitely been times in my life when things feel so messed up and overwhelming that I wish I could go back to a simpler time, when life seemed so wonderful and full of promise. I'm going through a time like that right now and feel this song really captures that emotion.

Latest Obsession: The Hunger Games Trilogy

2011-01-10T13:33:00.000-05:00

Considering I am less than eight weeks away from my due date, I have had much on my mind besides "the novel." Honestly, I'm not sure how long it will be before I work on the novel again. And really I'm okay with that. I have come to the realization that it will be there waiting for me when I am ready to address it again. For now, I am concentrating on potty training my two year old, getting ready for a new baby and getting my ducks in a row at work so I can enjoy my maternity leave.

Instead, I will tell you about my latest obsession, namely The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins. I picked up the first book, The Hunger Games, during the holiday break and finished it in less than a week (quite a feat for me these days). I went straight out and bought the other two books and have already finished the second book, Catching Fire, and started the third and final book, Mockingjay.

These books are excellent. The characters are rich and compelling, the story is fast paced and gripping. I don't want to tell you too much because I went into them knowing only what was on the book jacket. So I will leave you with only that. I hope you pick these up and I hope you enjoy them as much as I have!

"In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. The Capitol is harsh and cruel and keeps the districts in line by forcing them all to send one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen to participate in the annual Hunger Games, a fight to the death on live TV.

Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she steps forward to take her sister’s place in the Games. But Katniss has been close to dead before--and survival, for her, is second nature. Without really meaning to, she becomes a contender. But if she is to win, she will have to start making choices that weigh survival against humanity and life against love."

Why I love editing more than writing...

2010-11-16T14:39:00.000-05:00

“No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else’s draft.” — H.G. Wells

NaNoWriMo Update

2010-11-04T13:18:00.000-04:00

So far National Novel Writing Month has been a bust. This pregnancy is kicking my butt. Seriously. Once I get home from work and get the child to sleep all I can muster the energy to do is collapse on the couch and watch television. And there have definitely been nights I've gone to sleep by 9 p.m. (okay sometimes 8:30...)

I really don't remember being this tired and achy with my first baby, though I suspect having a two year old to chase after and a hubby out of work may be contributing factors. I've had a rough couple of days this week (physically) and now am so far behind on the novel writing that I'm not sure it's worth trying to start. Sigh. Yet another goal abandoned.

There is just too much I want to do in a day and only so many hours (and so much energy) to accomplish it. If only I didn't have to sleep...

National Novel Writing Month

2010-10-27T19:13:00.001-04:00

I signed up today to participate in National Novel Writing Month, a challenge to write 50,000 words in the month of November. You are judged solely on word count, not content, the idea being to encourage you to just write and not think so much, a way to silence your internal critic.

For me, personally, this has always been a problem. I am always second guessing my choices, whether they be plot details or word choices. My internal critic is always telling me my story is stupid, my characters aren't realistic, that nobody will want to read this. So, the more I read about National Novel Writing Month, the more I thought it would be a great exercise for me. A month to just let loose and let the words flow.

I'll be sure to keep you all up-to-date on my progress as the month progresses so stay tuned...

What's another word for...

2010-10-20T08:52:00.000-04:00

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." —Burt Bacharach

Reevaluating

2010-09-28T16:41:00.003-04:00

I recently finished reading Saving Cee Cee Honeycutt by Beth Hoffman, a wonderful story about forgiveness, filled with colorful characters you wish were real people. While reading an interview with the author, I discovered it had taken her four years to write the novel (from the moment she finished chapter one to when she sent it out to publishers).

Four.

Years.

And that was all she was doing (she had sold her interior design business to devote herself to writing full time).

This got me to thinking that perhaps the seven months I have left until my deadline weren't going to be enough. Especially considering I do work full time and will very soon have two children under the age of three to care for.

So. I am setting a new goal. 35. That is more than five years away. Surely by then I can string 80,000 or so words together in some sort of fashion enjoyable to readers.

Since we're on the setting new goals bandwagon, I am declaring - officially - that I am putting "the novel" on hold and starting a memoir/novel about my childhood and family. I just can't get the idea out of my head and feel I have to get it out of my system before I can move forward with this current project.

Stay tuned for progress on this new endeavor...

Wordless Wednesday (or What I have been working on instead of "the novel")

2010-09-08T13:32:00.002-04:00

Review: New York by Edward Rutherfurd

2010-08-24T12:02:00.001-04:00

I have a confession to make... I am a closet history junkie.

I remember as a kid touring Pebble Hill Plantation in Georgia and the Biltmore Estate up in North Carolina and how fascinated I was with these places that seemed frozen in time, a window into another era. I love learning how things used to be, how cultures and places have evolved over the centuries, where customs come from.

So that is one reason I picked up New York by Edward Rutherfurd (the other being that I am obsessed with New York City right now given that that is where “the novel” is set). Rutherfurd has made a career out of taking a place (London, Ireland, Russia, to name a few) and telling its history in novel form. As someone who loves history, but hates boring history books that just regurgitate names and dates and events, I thought I’d give it a shot.

New York was wonderful.

Rutherfurd begins in the 1600s with the Van Dyck/Master family and follows them through the generations to the present day, introducing other families along the way. The most interesting thing to me, was how the city itself becomes a character in the book as you watch it grow from a sleepy Dutch settlement through wars, blizzards, riots, booms and busts into the center of commerce and culture it is today.

Another thing Rutherfurd has captured perfectly is the indomitable American spirit, the dream of millions who have come to this country from oppression and poverty in hopes of a better life. The story of the Caruso family was particularly touching and true to life. These people seemed so real to me, emigrating from Italy to the U.S., suffering through tragedies and ultimately achieving the American dream.

The last few chapters deal with the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. I have felt other works that portrayed the events of 9/11 as being exploitative. That day is still so fresh in our minds that I feel it’s often used as a cheap way to evoke emotion. But Rutherfurd handles the material respectfully and weaves it so seamlessly into the storylines that I had no qualms about his including the attacks in the novel. And honestly, any history of New York City would be incomplete without touching on that day.

Edward Rutherfurd literally brought the history of New York City to life for me, and I highly recommend this book to any other closet history junkies out there.

You can't judge a book by its cover...

2010-08-10T12:03:00.000-04:00

Or can you...

My boss often says that if she doesn't like the cover of a book, she won't pick it up. (She will set this rule aside, however, if someone tells her the book is actually very good.)

As an aspiring novelist, I often dream of what the covers of my books might look like. I am very much aware that the author usually has very little input into the design of the cover, and I wonder what it must feel like to put your hard work into the hands of another person to package for the world to see.

I was at the bookstore yesterday and noticed three fun new covers to novels that were very eye catching (all from Penguin books):

I love the bright pink flamingoes on this edition of Alice in Wonderland. Attractive and a nice, subtle referernce to the flamingo croquet played in the novel.

As much as I love great literature, I also very much enjoyed Bridget Jones Diary and very much like this new tattoo inspired cover.

Since Pride and Prejudice is my favorite novel of all time, I am glad to see this fun update to the cover. (If you see it in the store, you should pick it up and take a closer look. There are flaps inside the covers that extend the scenes. Very clever.)

Going back to judging a book by its cover, these are two I picked up based solely on their artwork. They are now two of my favorite novels:

If you've only seen the movie, you must read the book. SO much better.

The best love-to-hate heroine since Scarlett O'Hara.

What are your favorite book covers? What novels did you pick up because you liked the cover?

Time

2010-08-08T14:58:00.001-04:00

So July was insanely busy on all fronts (personal and professional). Thankfully, it looks like things will be slowing down a bit in August, so hopefully I will be able to get back the "the novel." But for now, I want to talk about time. I've written a lot on this blog about how little time I seem to have for myself and how, when I finally get an hour or two, it's hard to use it to do something productive as opposed to say, vegging out on the couch and watching television.

Just so you know I'm not joking, here is what my Monday through Friday look like...

6 a.m. Alarm goes off and I hit the snooze.
6:09 a.m. Alarm goes off again and I hit the snooze again.
6:18 a.m. Alarm goes off (again) and I hit the snooze (again).
6:27 a.m. Alarm goes off and I hit the snooze, look at the clock, (curse) and get out of bed.
7:10 a.m. Kiss my hubby and baby goodbye and head to the office.
7:30 a.m. to Noon Work (read/pull newsclips, answer e-mail/voicemail, editing, etc.)
Noonish Lunch, typically eaten at my desk or I'll use this hour to run errands.
1 to 4:30 p.m. Work (editing, writing, planning, meetings).
4:30 p.m. Leave work to pick up my daughter from daycare.
5:45 p.m. Finally get home, start dinner.
6:30 p.m. Eat dinner with the hubs and baby.
7 p.m. Bathtime (my favorite part of my day)
7:30 p.m. Put the baby to bed and do whatever chores need doing (dishes, laundry, whatever)
8 to 9:30 p.m. Time for myself (typically watch television with the hubs or get in bed to read)
9:30 to 10 p.m. Bedtime

Weekends are, of course, less hectic. In fact, I make a point of making sure that on weekend mornings we can all hang out in our pajamas and eat a big breakfast. I also make a point of spending as much time as possible with my daughter since our time is so limited during the week. For those out there without children, spending hours reading Dr. Suess or pushing a two year old on a swing may seem like a boring way to spend the weekend, but, honestly, there is nothing I would rather be doing. Spending time with my husband and daughter, even if we're just shopping at Target, is the highlight of my week.

The part where the guilt comes in is when my daughter goes down for her nap after lunch. I always have this debate in my mind whether to use this magic hour or two to write or to watch a movie/read/nap. Most of the time the latter activities win and then the weekend is over and I feel guilty for not getting any writing done. Sigh. It is a vicious circle.

So what do you all think? Am I being too hard on myself?

Better go, my daughter is waking up from her nap...

Busy Girl

2010-07-22T13:18:00.000-04:00

"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full." — Henry Kissinger

Do you ever feel this way? I sure have lately! I know I have been a bad, bad blogger, but I have been so busy I'm surprised I've found time to sleep! I promise to post a longer update this weekend...

July?!

2010-07-01T12:28:00.000-04:00

How can it possibly be July 1 already? That means I have 312 days left 'til my 30th birthday. With my word count stalled out at 5,462, I'm beginning to rethink this whole "finish my first novel by my 30th birthday" thing.

So what is a realistic goal for writing a novel? Especially when you factor in working full time and caring for a 23 month old daughter (and all the other things life throws at you)? I suppose one answer is that if I was truly passionate about writing this novel, I would find the time to make it happen. Someone else might say that you can't force creativity — and this is especially true for me as I often have to mull things over for a while before I actually sit down to write, even in my writing in my professional life. But at what point does this "mulling things over" become simple procrastination?

I've been thinking lately about pausing on the writing of this novel to write something totally different. Not a memoir, per se, but a novel based on my own childhood and family. I've done a lot of similar writing in the past and its almost like I need to get that out of the way to free me up to write the half dozen or so other stories in my head. Perhaps I will mull this idea over the long July 4th weekend...

Success

2010-06-26T13:13:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about success and what makes one person more successful than another. There are several women I know that are my age or younger who have already surpassed me in terms of career success. On the one hand, this makes me a little envious. How have they already achieved so much when I feel I still have so much left to learn? On the other (more rational) hand, I realize that they probably had a clearer vision of what they wanted to be when they grew up.

When I went to college, I intended to become a psychologist. I soon realized, however, that while I enjoyed my psychology classes, I didn't have enough passion for it to justify pursuing it through graduate school. So I turned to creative writing, since that was the only other thing I could see myself doing at the time. By my senior year, I decided I wanted to write for a living, be it for magazines, newspapers, whatever. And for the most part that is what I have done since I graduated, beginning with piddly freelance assignments, working my way up to writing full time.

Only recently has public relations come on my radar, partly because of my job and partly because I joined the Florida Public Relations Association. Both of these experiences have awakened a new passion in me and opened up career paths I had never considered before.

So I suppose it is no wonder I feel like I am playing catch up to other women my age who knew from college that they wanted to work in PR. And I'm starting to realize I shouldn't beat myself up about it. So what? Who cares what age I am when I become a director? The idea is to take keep learning, keep striving to reach my goals. I'll get there one day.

What do you think? Have you ever felt like you weren't enough of a success? What have you done to attain your goals?

Wrote Tonight. Yay.

2010-06-15T21:02:00.001-04:00

Days left: 328
Words written: 5,462

I haven't touched "the novel" in probably two months. I felt inspired tonight so I sat down and reacquainted myself with it. Felt good. Maybe I'll do some more tomorrow...

Why I am glad it is Friday...

2010-06-11T15:20:00.000-04:00

Monday: My cat freaked out while sitting in my lap and scratched my neck and chest. Looked like I'd been in a fight (which I guess technically I was...)

Tuesday: My husband was out of town so I had to take my daughter to day care and pick her up after work (a total of more than two hours in the car for the day).

Wednesday: Couldn't sleep for the second night in a row because my hubby was gone (and I am a scaredy cat and think every little noise is a burglar) so was exhausted all day. And I had to drop off and pick up my daughter again. (I know. I am a big whiny whiner, but whatever. It still sucked.)

Thursday: As soon as I pulled into the parking lot at work, the day care called and said my daughter had thrown up so I needed to come and get her. (So that's two hours in the car in a row.) And then I got stung by a wasp.

Friday: Hubby is home, it's my pick for movie night and I don't have to cook. Yay!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Missing

2010-06-01T20:21:00.001-04:00

Missing: One journal belonging to Kiley Annise Mallard. If found, please return to owner. Thanks.

I have been looking everywhere for my journal and cannot find it. I have looked under furniture, in all the closets, even in my car and my office (though why it would be there I have no idea). The only thing I can think is that I accidently packed it up with the Christmas decorations or threw it away with some old newspapers.

I am not so much worried about anyone reading it, as I am pretty much an open book. I'm more upset from a sentimental perspective. I started that journal while we were living in Michigan, the first year we were married, poured my loneliness into it for that year and a half. I wrote an entry in the hour after I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. My husband had to work that morning and I didn't want to tell him over the phone. But I also wanted him to be the first to know so turned to my journal to express my joy and excitement (and nervousness). I've worked out so many of my emotions in that journal. It is like a dear friend.

Hopefully it will turn up soon. I will keep you posted...

The Reason

2010-05-25T09:53:00.001-04:00

I know I've been awfully quiet lately. Life has thrown a few curve balls at me in recent weeks so I have been busy sorting through all that. Anyway, for your viewing and listening pleasure, here is one of my favorite songs of all time, The Reason by Hoobastank. This song came out in 2003, the year I graduated from college, moved to Michigan and married my husband.

I love, love, love the lyrics and the message of this song. It begins with an admission of imperfection and longing to be a better person and how that can affect the ones we love. All something I can relate to. The thing I love about this song, though, is what it says about the power of love, how it can move us to become that better person and strive to change. Enjoy...

The Balancing Act

2010-04-07T15:15:00.001-04:00

One of my guiltiest pleasures is reading People magazine and people.com. Recently, they had a short piece on Benjamin Bratt and his wife celebrating their eighth wedding anniversary. They talked about being parents and how much joy that brought to their lives, and how they are choosier now with work projects. This particular paragraph really spoke to me:

“Having children also has made the couple more discerning about their projects. ‘[Parenting] informs the work, enriches it,’ Bratt, 46, said. ‘The stakes are much higher on every level. The work that you choose will draw you away from that which you care for most, your family, [and] gets a whole new scrutiny.’”

I often feel torn between two worlds as a working mom — the world of work and my professional ambitions, and the world of my home life and being a good wife and mother. There are days I love my job, when everything clicks, when I can see a clear path toward accomplishing my goals. On those days, I have no doubts that I have made the right decision in being a working mom.

Then there are days when I really would rather just be at home with my daughter, watching her play with her puzzles and books, teaching her how to count to three. Mothering gives me such a sense of peace, maybe because life seems simpler when you hang out with a toddler. Everything is new to a 20 month old. Blowing bubbles never gets old. Ripe strawberries are the best food you’ve ever tasted. Daddy is the funniest person on the planet. Being a parent brings us both so much joy and laughter. How can any job compare?

I recently had a job opportunity that I was really excited about. The work would have been varied, fast-paced, challenging. The people seemed nice, fun and super talented. It really would have been a great career move. But right from the get-go, I wasn’t fully committed to landing the job. I was worried about my career taking too much time away from my family. I was worried about my plans to have another baby in the very near future. So I downplayed my experience and probably hinted too strongly about my family plans and didn’t get past the second interview. I secretly didn’t want to get offered the job so I wouldn’t have to decide. But when I didn’t end up getting it, I was disappointed. I felt like a coward. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the job anyway, but I think I will always feel a bit of regret for not going for it 100 percent.

So what is the lesson here? Can you really ever reconcile being a mom and being a career woman — especially when your children are very young and need so much of you? Was I wrong to want to stay where I’m comfortable, where I know what to expect given my family plans? I’d love to hear what others have to say…

Such a nice way of saying we are all procrastinators...

2010-04-01T11:10:00.000-04:00

"There is no expedient to which man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking." - Sir Joshua Reynolds

Research...

2010-03-24T20:10:00.006-04:00

What I've learned so far about novel writing is that, like the writing I do in my professional life, it requires a lot of research. My main female character is a painter and while I have taken many art classes in my lifetime (from photography in high school to art history in college), I feel the need to brush up on my knowledge.

Here are a few tidbits I picked up this evening...

1. FSU has an art gallery for its Master of Fine Arts students - Big Bend Contemporary - to not only display their works, but to gain experience in developing, preparing, installing and presenting exhibitions.

2. In art schools, students used to have to spend years learning to draw before they were allowed to use paint.

3. We "read" paintings the way we read words on the page - left to right.

4. Expressionists (early 20th century), such as Matisse, studied and developed Van Gogh's sense of shape and color. Cubists (also early 20th century), like Picasso, were inspired by the planes in Cezanne's work. (Loved how this seems an incarnation of how each generation takes what the previous generation did and redefines it, pushes it further...)

5. One interpretation of why Van Gogh painted the stars so large in "The Starry Night" (above) was simply that he thought they were beautiful and wanted to express his joy in looking at them. (I thought this was a very simple and clear explanation of what it means to take a subject and interpret it through painting.)

Image from Wikipedia.

The Long Road Ahead

2010-03-16T20:55:00.005-04:00

Days left: 419
Words written: 4,715

As far as writing sessions go, this was not my most productive one. But that is not the point. The point is that I wrote! On a Tuesday night! For the first time in weeks! So yay me!

I know you probably get tired of hearing my excuses because I get tired of hearing my excuses. So, tonight I decided to suck it up and just write. I have to say it was tough, mostly because I haven't worked on "the novel" in a few weeks so it took a while to get the juices flowing again.

Writing, I find, is a lot like exercise. The more you do it, the easier it is and the stronger you get. When you don't do it for a while, you basically have to start all over again and deal with sore muscles and getting back into a routine, etc.

Obviously, intellectually I know this. It's putting it into practice that I've always had trouble with. Which is the whole point of this project - to see if I can actually break my bad habits and actually complete a story I start.

Looks like I still have a long way to go...

(Photo from wvs.)

Review: An Echo in the Bone

2010-03-13T13:08:00.002-05:00

Last Sunday, I finished reading An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon. This is the seventh novel in Gabaldon's Outlander series, which feature Claire Beauchamp and Jamie Fraser. The series began with Claire traveling back in time from the late-1940s to 18th century Scotland, where she met and married James Fraser. The subsequent novels are about their adventures together and eventually the adventures of their grown children as well.

Though all the books in the series are on the long side (Echo was 814 pages in hardcover), the story is typically gripping enough that the pages seem to fly by.

I did not find this to be the case with Echo. I never thought I would finish this book. Maybe it was because there was so much going on - there are several storylines and numerous points of view. I found it hard to keep track of who was doing what and why. (Perhaps because, being a working mother, I was only able to read a chapter or two a night.)

There were two specific things that bothered me about this novel. One, Gabaldon's lengthy and detailed descriptions of medical procedures (including the amputation of a character's finger). Claire, who is the only character Gabaldon writes in the first person perspective, is a doctor, but is it really necessary to go into that much detail? Gabaldon's background as a research scientist is clear in these passages.

The second thing that bothered me was that Gabaldon spends so much time on the middle of the novel that the end feels a bit rushed. This is especially true of a fight scene between two characters that she spends the whole novel building towards. A gun goes off and then we cut to a few hours later, having to assume what happened. Very disappointing.

Other than that, I enjoyed the book. Gabaldon is a master of bringing the 18th century to life. Not just the big events, like the American Revolution depicted in Echo, but the day to day lives of the people of the time. How they cooked, washed their clothes, behaved toward each other. I find it all fascinating.

These are characters I have spent a great deal of time with having read the six previous novels, and I go through withdrawal every time I finish one and have to say goodbye. If you love losing yourself in another time, I highly recommend this series. The earlier novels (Outlander and Dragonfly in Amber) are much more streamlined and seem to zip along in comparison with the latter few.

Lazy Bum

2010-03-13T12:52:00.002-05:00

Days left: 422
Words written: 4,568

A few weeks ago, I had one of those days where the words just flowed out of me and I wrote like a thousand words in just a couple of hours. It felt amazing!

That has not happened since, mainly due to lack of motivation on my part. I admit it. I have been a lazy bum, preferring to nap or watch a movie instead of working on "the novel" in the hour or two I get to myself on the weekend. Frankly, I am not even feeling that motivated today (hence why I am blogging and not writing).

Knowing myself though, I realize I will never really feel like writing. It's something I just have to make myself do. Usually, once I get going, I get into it and enjoy myself, but it's that initial push that feels so much like work.

Sigh.

I suppose that that is what I need to do this afternoon. Or tomorrow...

Books

2010-02-16T13:41:00.001-05:00

"These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves." — Gilbert Highet

To Outline, or Not to Outline...

2010-02-07T13:52:00.004-05:00

Days left: 456
Words written: 3,601

For those of you paying close attention, my word count just went backwards. Well, it turns out when you change your mind about what direction you want a major character to go in, it takes a big bite out of what you've already written involving that character. I've now got a document labeled "Abandoned Story Lines" where much of what I had written for Ronnie now lives.

This is a good thing (I hope). I now have a very clear vision of where this novel is going - or at least where the first ten chapters are going to go, since that is what I've outlined so far. I have found outlining a very useful tool in my professional writing life, but have never used it for fiction before. One of my writing teachers in college taught me that the story should evolve as it's being written. The problem with this theory (for me at least), is that I never feel like I'm getting anywhere. If I don't know where the story is going, how will I know when I get there?

So, I'm trying something new and so far I like it. I feel like I have a plan of action now, a concrete goal to accomplish. Hopefully this will get me writing more frequently as, quite frankly, the television and the couch have been winning the war for my free time of late.

In closing, here's a question for all you fellow writers out there: Do you outline when working on a creative project? If so, do you find it helpful or does it kill your creative spirit?

Faith

2010-01-22T10:04:00.003-05:00

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." — Martin Luther King Jr.

The Revelation

2010-01-16T10:21:00.003-05:00

I was sitting at my desk last Friday, watching an episode of Felicity on my lunch break when I had a revelation about my novel. I was thinking about my character Ronnie and how I just haven't been happy with how her story is developing and the way she and Mark meet and why they would continue to talk to each other. This has bothered me from the very conception of these two characters. The whole idea of her wanting to "paint" him and him just opening up to her about his whole life always seemed so flimsy to me.

So, when this idea hit me the other day it was like solving a problem that has been bothering me for years. Totally invigorating! I felt more inspired than I have since starting this project.

Unfortunately, the timing of this revelation couldn't be worse. My boss has been out recovering from surgery so I have been doing her job as well as mine. As if that isn't enough, we have a new employee in Communications that I have been training. I can handle it at work, but I've been truly exhausted, drained, done by the time I get home at the end of the day. I was able to wrap up a couple of pressing projects last week so I am hoping the next week will be a little less hectic and I'll have the energy to do some work on "the novel" when I get home.

We'll see...

The Talented Mr. Mayer

2010-01-04T14:21:00.005-05:00

One of the presents my husband got me for Christmas was John Mayer's latest album, Battle Studies. As usual, Mr. Mayer has proven himself to be a first class musician and lyricist. The album is filled with songs about heartbreak and odes to the single life (fitting given Mr. Mayer's penchant for serial dating), and I have been listening to it almost non-stop since getting it.

I love John Mayer not just because he's so friggin' hot. I mean, hello:

As someone (slightly) obsessed with words and language, I love his lyrics. For instance, in the first track off this album, Heartbreak Warfare, he writes: "How come the only way to know how high you get me, is to see how far I fall? God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me, but I can't break through it all." Totally captures how the people we love the most are also the ones that can hurt us the worst. How sometimes you just push to see how far you can go.

And in Edge of Desire, he sings, "Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me. 'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see. I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe. There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me." The yearning in his voice, I mean...wow. Makes me weak at the knees. I'd be over in a heartbeat! (Except for the fact that I'm happily married of course.)

Anyway, just wanted to share my latest obsession. If you want a copy of Battle Studies or any of Mr. Mayer's other masterpieces, you can get them here. (I highly recommend Continuum, which in my opinion is his best work to date.) Enjoy!

The CBC, Day Nine and Wrap Up

2010-01-03T13:19:00.003-05:00

Days left: 491
Words written: 5,219

Despite being a bit of a grouch today and really just wanting to lay on the couch and veg out, I managed to write about 550 words.That brings my total word count to 5,219.

When I started the Christmas Break Challenge last Saturday, I only had 975 words written. That means the challenge word count is 4,244! Though that number is shy of my 4,500 word goal for the week, I also didn't write on two days that I'd calculated in for that total. So, I actually wrote more than my 500-words-a-day goal on the days I did write. Something I am very proud of.

Other than getting my word count up and the story going, this challenge has made me realize me two things.

One, I need to just write. Doesn't matter what, just that I'm doing it, just that I'm getting words on paper. It's much easier (for me at least) to go back and fix what I've got that to start from a blank page.

And two, that writing fiction can be fun. I had totally forgotten that. Yes, it is work. It requires research and revision and I'm not always going to be able to use everything I write. But it is also fun. I've had a blast seeing these characters and their world come to life. Inspiration is literally everywhere and it's been fun to pull in ideas and instances from all parts of my life and my brain.

I hope you have enjoyed following me this week. I go back to work tomorrow, but am going to try to start writing regularly on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the evenings (HA! I've said that before, right.) Keep checking back to see how I do...

The CBC, Days Six Through Eight

2010-01-02T14:10:00.004-05:00

Days left: 492
Words written: 4,671

Happy New Year!

Having my dad, sister, niece and two nephews here (in addition to my own daughter), as well as it being New Year's Eve and Day, proved to be too much of a distraction to get any writing done on days six and seven of the Christmas Break Challenge. Is that enough justification for skipping writing on those two days?

I got right back in the saddle today, revising much of what I'd written for Ronnie and adding another 557 words to the total. I think I'm pretty much done with the rough draft of chapter one and can move forward with the story. Next up, getting these two characters in the same room and talking. That's where the story really begins...

Tomorrow is the last day of my challenge so we'll tally everything up then.

The CBC, Day Five

2009-12-30T13:59:00.002-05:00

Days left: 495
Words written: 4,114

Over 700 words today! My dad, sister and her three children are set to arrive in about 30 minutes so it will be interesting to see if I'm able to get any writing done over the next couple of days while they're here. Maybe all the extra words I've been doing the last few days will make up for it? (Or am I just taking the easy way out?)

Anyway, as I delve deeper into Ronnie's story, I'm realizing I need to go back and do some more in depth research on NYU and painting. My coworker Rish has a friend that went to NYU so maybe I can talk to that person about what the student experience is like there. Contacting the art program there wouldn't be a bad idea either...

The CBC, Day Four

2009-12-29T10:55:00.003-05:00

Days left: 496
Words written: 3,358

So today I decided to do my writing while my daughter was still awake so that I could rest when she went down for her nap. This proved to be quite the challenge as I had to stop my train of thought every ten minutes to stop her from getting into whatever she wasn't supposed to be getting into.

I managed to write well over 500 words though. Maybe not the best stuff I've ever done, but at least I got my ideas on "paper" and can go back and finesse it all later.

The next few days should prove challenging as well since I have guests decending for New Years, but I am determined to see this challenge through. Wish me luck!

The CBC, Day Three

2009-12-28T13:26:00.002-05:00

Days left: 497
Word count: 2,767

I'm tired today. My daughter has had a cold for what feels like forever (really only three weeks) and was up at 3:30 a.m. coughing. Being a mom, this brought me fully awake and even after checking on her and tucking her back in, I had a hard time getting back to sleep.

With that said, I only wrote 601 words today, which met my 500 words-a-day goal, but were kinda off topic. Part of the reason for that is that I started on the story line for my second main character (Sharon/"Ronnie") today so I don't think I have as good a grip on her as I do on my other main character (Mark). I ended up going off on this long tangent about how she got started on this project she's working on and don't really know if I'll end up using any of it. I remember from my classes with Sheila Ortiz Taylor, however, that oftentimes you'll end up writing whole histories on your characters, most of which you will not use, but that are necessary to the writing of the story.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring a clearer focus on Ronnie. 'Til then...

The CBC, Day Two

2009-12-27T13:54:00.004-05:00

Days left: 498
Words written: 2,165

I am really on a roll! Day two of the Christmas Break Challenge has also been a great success with another 700 or so words written along with some great editing to earlier stuff. I'm actually have fun, too, something I tend to forget about writing.

I think that is a hazard of writing professionally when you also want to write as a hobby. I spend so much of my time at work writing and editing (fairly dry) pieces that I forget how much fun writing "just because" can be. No deadline, no "message" or "audience." Just writing whatever I want just because it pleases me.

I hope I can keep this joy and momentum going into day three...

The Christmas Break Challenge, Day One

2009-12-26T15:07:00.004-05:00

Days Left: 499
Words written: 1,678

The Christmas Break Challenge (which shall be referred to as CBC from now on) began today, and I am proud to say I far exceeded by 500 words-a-day goal, writing 713 words all in one sitting. Maybe it was pent up writing energy from the two months I've spend not writing.

Today's writing took me to an unexpected piece of backstory for two of my main characters, essentially showing how the two of them got together. All I'm going to say is that the song Lady in Red had something to do with it.

Your assignment? Go download that song and listen to it. Classic. That's what I'll be doing as soon as I post this. I've decided to start a playlist on my new iPod (Thanks, Dad!) that will be a sort of soundtrack for "the novel." Stuff I can go to for inspiration when I'm stuck.

'Til tomorrow...

The Christmas Break Challenge

2009-12-03T15:45:00.004-05:00

Days left: 522
Word count: 975

So.

Yeah.

I haven't done a thing with "the novel" in weeks. Haven't really even thought about it. This is no way to get a novel written, I know, but life just, well, intrudes. I tell myself very rationally that if this is something I really care about, that I really want to do, that I will make time for it, that it is worth sacrificing a night or two vegged out on the couch with my husband. But then I get the baby to bed at eight, and I just can't resist the pull of those cushions, the glow of the television, the foot rubs!

Sigh.

I have a plan though. My office is closed the week between Christmas and New Year's and my husband has to work. This leaves me with nine days (not including Christmas Day) with relatively large amounts of free time to write (in between adoring my daughter, of course). So, the plan is to write at least 500 words on each of those nine days, leaving me with an additional 4,500 words I do not have now and (hopefully) jumpstarting my urge to write this novel again.

The question is, am I truly disciplined enough to stick to my plan? (History says no.) Stay tuned to find out. I promise to blog each day to keep you up to date on my progress (and whining).

The Flow of Things

2009-10-31T11:12:00.005-04:00

Days left: 555

Word count: 975

Even though we were on vacation last week (Oct. 22-26), I still managed to do a little writing (as evidenced by the increased word count above). I'm starting to get a feel for my characters and where they are at the beginning of the story and that is exciting. The best part of writing (other than being done) is when things start to flow, when the characters truly take on a life of their own and they start telling their own story (often far away from the story you sat down to tell). I can feel their world coming to life. I'm still not sure where they'll end up , but that's okay. There is definitely a theme emerging for this story, namely fear of change, fear of taking the next big step in life and how others can help us through those transitions (something I've dealt with a lot in my life).

I hear my daughter stirring from her morning nap so I better close for now. I leave you with this awesome Death Star jack o' lantern from break.com. Happy Halloween!

Progress!

2009-10-11T11:45:00.002-04:00

Days left: 575
Word count: 552

So I have finally written the first 552 words of "the novel." I was able to devote, not one, but three hours to writing yesterday and today. Yesterday, I spent most of the time fleshing out my two main characters, Mark and Ronnie. I'd done some work on Ronnie's character a few weeks ago, but I'd been wrestling with Mark.

In fact, I've been wrestling with Mark's character since college, since that night nine years ago that he first popped into my brain (all of which you can read about here). Yesterday, I had one of those magic writing moments where it all just flooded out and made sense, and I finally felt like I could get started on the storytelling part.

Now if I can just keep this momentum going...

Slacker

2009-10-08T16:34:00.006-04:00

So I've been a total slacker the last few weeks, at least when it comes to "the novel." I have done little else but have little brainstorming sessions in the car while I'm driving to pick up my daughter from day care. I tell myself, very sensibly, that "the novel" will never get written if all I ever do is drive around thinking of writing "the novel." And yet, here we are with 578 days left and approximately zero words written. I go on to say, to myself, you set a writing schedule Kiley, now stick to it for once in your life!

So, starting next week, Tuesdays, Thursdays and at least one day on the weekend are "writing days," where I must spend at least an hour working on "the novel." It's not much, but, hey, it's a start!

In other news, I am halfway through reading Persuasion by Jane Austen for the first time. (I know, I know! I call myself a Jane Austenite and yet have never read Persuasion! Whatever.) I have to say that Captain Wentworth is giving Mr. Darcy a run for his money. Especially when he's portrayed by such lovely male specimens as Rupert Penry-Jones. Sigh...

How to Write a Novel

2009-09-29T15:19:00.002-04:00

Top 3 sites that pop up when you Google the phrase "how to write a novel":

http://www.peacecorpswriters.org/pages/depts/resources/resour_writers/100daysbook/bk100da.html

http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/snowflake.php

And this very funny (and useful) blog post by Justine Larbalestier:

http://justinelarbalestier.com/blog/2006/09/06/how-to-write-a-novel/

Now to put some of this advice into practice...

Excuses and Name Calling

2009-09-15T20:37:00.004-04:00

So it's been a couple of weeks since I've done anything with "the novel" (if you can call an idea in my brain such a thing). Life has interfered, beginning with a trip to my hometown for my ten year high school reunion, followed by my daughter starting at a new daycare which has lengthened my commute by 15-30 minutes (depending on traffic) and just general disorganization stemming from those two events.

Thankfully, this week we're back into the normal swing of things, and I can refocus. Today I thought of a great name for my main female character. I was looking for something that was traditional, but that would lend itself to an unusual nickname, and I think I've got it (though I'm going to refrain from writing it here for several reasons I don't care to get into at the moment).

Anyway, my goal for tonight is to get a rough sketch of her life, appearance, personality, etc. Actually get something on paper and not just scribbled notes on a pad!

Ugh

2009-08-27T15:36:00.002-04:00

Nothing like a cold to kill your creative spirit. I have been useless this week on all fronts, be it writing for work or the novel. Just want to lie down and take a nap...

Working Mom Blues

2009-08-24T15:18:00.005-04:00

I am having a blah day today. Probably has something to do with it being Monday and the start of another work week which means leaving my lovely daughter with her sitter and sitting in this windowless office for nine hours. Blah. Not to mention we are having just gorgeous weather for August. So to be honest, I'd just really rather be hanging in the backyard with my sweet girl, watching her discover the feel of grass between her toes.

Ahh, working motherhood...

I was thinking on that topic earlier and remembered my sister saying (before my daughter was even born) that working moms can't have it all, that something will inevitably be neglected. At the time I dismissed her comment, thinking that because she was essentially a stay-at-home mom, she didn't know what she was talking about. Now that I am on the other side, however, I think there is a grain of truth to her statement.

In my experience as a working mom, the thing that gets neglected the most is, well, me. During the work week, I wake up at 6:00 a.m. (well, more like 6:27 a.m. thanks to the snooze button), and I really don't stop until I put the baby to bed at 8:00 p.m. Sometimes later, depending on what chores need to be done. Weekends aren't much better sometimes, though I do get to sleep until 7:30 or so thanks to my darling husband. Yesterday, for instance, from the time I got up until after 8:30 p.m., I was going, going, going. Making breakfast, cleaning the kitchen, doing the grocery shopping, feeding/changing/playing with the baby throughout.

By 4:30, when my husband plopped down on the couch to watch a movie, I looked on with envy (and anger?) because I would have loved nothing more than to do the same. But the baby needed a snack, and, oh, I have to clean the toilets, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes the weekends are worse than the work week and I look forward to Monday and the one hour I get for lunch so I can sit still and read my book while I eat leftovers in my office.

I bring all of this up to vent because, honestly, I don't have a solution. If only I didn't have to sleep...

Inspiration

2009-08-20T20:54:00.005-04:00

I am inspired. Digging out Windows to the Soul and rereading all the commentary I received on it and realizing (9 years later) what I should have done with it in the first place (namely do a little research and revise it, all of which you can read about here and here) has inspired me to work on this piece again and see if I can't make it into something halfway resembling a good story. (Phew! Take a breath...)

Up first, learning a little more about New York City (as in more than the name and that it's a big, exciting city)...

Crappy First Drafts Part II

2009-08-20T20:29:00.008-04:00

So when I left off with this story, I had just turned in my first short story for my classmates to read and critique. Here is an actual entry from my writing journal from that class:

"My first story, Windows to the Soul, was workshopped today. They didn't tear it/me apart like I thought they would. However, several big things were brought up.

First, characterization. They didn't feel like I'd developed Sherry enough. K thought it was strange how [Sherry] got prettier when she got closer when its usually the other way around. Dr. N wanted me to write more about her apartment, that I really missed an opportunity to develop her character there. The funny thing is that in my [hand]written draft, I did describe her apartment in detail, but I decided that it wasn't necessary and took it out.

Plot was also brought up. L said she didn't think that this would happen in real life. Others said similar things like, 'Why would Mark tell Sherry all this when they just met?' and 'How is it possible that he could make such a huge change after one conversation after ten years?'"

So... Poor characterization and an unbelievable plot. Sounds like a pretty shitty story to me.

At the time I took it in stride and was just proud that I'd tried. This was, after all, the first time I'd tried to write a story. Looking back on it though, I can see so many things I could've done to make that story a success. The first being, write more than one freaking draft!

If I took nothing else away from that experience, it was this: Your first draft, by nature, is going to be crappy. And that's alright. It's supposed to be. First drafts are about getting the juices flowing, getting something on paper.

The trick, however, is to then research and revise. Then research and revise some more. And maybe then, turn it over for someone to look at. This whole concept was beyond me at the time. I still thought writing was supposed to be easy, remember.

Well, that's enough of my history for now. I'm sure I'll regale you with other thrilling tales in the months to come so stay tuned...

ESF

2009-08-18T15:19:00.003-04:00

While taking a break from a very mundane task at work today, I Googled one of my writing teachers from college, Elizabeth Stuckey-French. One of the results that popped up was this interview of her from 1998. This particular passage really struck me:

"Some people think that once you get published everything is set forever, but that is not how it works. Once you are published you don't feel any more worthy as a person, or as a writer, and you don't feel like you can just kick back and rest on your laurels for the rest of your life. You have to keep writing -- and you have to keep getting up to change the baby's diapers. Life goes on."

She also says:

"The only reason to write fiction is because you feel compelled to do it...Writing fiction is such a strange thing to do: inventing characters and having them talk to one another is such an odd way to express yourself. If you don't feel compelled to do that as a way of making sense of the world then I would suggest trying something else."

I am certainly guilty of getting wrapped up in the idea of "being published" (as evidenced in my About Me blurb). What I tend to forget is that what matters is that I write because I want to, because I enjoy it. I always feel like my best work comes out when I'm not thinking about the reader, per se, but about the story itself and the characters and how they would react in a situation and why.

Thanks for the reminder, ESF ;-)

Crappy First Drafts Part I

2009-07-26T20:36:00.003-04:00

My next lesson to learn was how much work writing can be. As I said in my previous post, I'd always envisioned writing as a glamorous job. I imagined an author sitting down and writing a story from start to finish, the words flowing onto the page effortlessly, scene after scene until the story was told.

So maybe that is why, when I sat down to write my first short story for my fiction workshop, I was surprised when I found myself staring at an empty notepad, pencil in hand, for the better part of an hour. I couldn't think what to write. I had no idea where to even begin.

So I thought of a random name, Mark. I tried to create a character around this name. He lived in New York City (a place I'd never been, but that sounded cool). He was sad. And he was sitting alone at a bar. That's all I could think of.

I sat pencil in hand for another 15 minutes.

Then I thought, what if there was a woman in the bar that caught his attention. So I made him notice a woman at the other end of the bar and proceeded to describe her with every cliched phrase I could think of.

What if she approached him, I thought. Brilliant! So I decided she was a painter and that she painted people's eyes (just because that sounded different). She walks up to Mark and asks if she can paint his eyes. He agrees.

(Now I was really on a roll.)

They go back to her place and she starts to paint and while she's painting she starts asking him about himself and about why his eyes were so sad. Now I had to come up with the big finish, the big answer to why Mark was sitting alone in a bar in New York City looking sad.

So I made Mark answer (after only a very little hesitation) that his wife and child had died in a car crash back in his hometown and that he'd moved to New York to forget about the past. He even cried. She had helped him overcome his grief, and he was now able to move on with his life.

I ended the story with Mark seeing the woman's painting of his eyes in an art gallery and smiling.

Pencil down. I had written a four page masterpiece! I titled it "Windows to the Soul" (because I apparently had a thing for a good cliche) and typed up my story. I made copies for the class to read and critique and prepared to hear the praise.

Stay tuned for what the class had to say about my mini-masterpiece...

A Writer is a Reader First

2009-07-20T20:45:00.002-04:00

It is my firm belief that all great writers start out as great readers. I have had a love affair with the written word for as long as I can remember. I have vivid memories from when I was very young, six maybe, of pulling a stack of books from my parents' bookshelf, curling up in my father's chocolate brown recliner and reading.

I think I first realized how much I loved reading in middle school, when I spent the entire summer before seventh grade staying up into the wee hours of the morning reading the entire Anne of Green Gables series. I literally (no pun intended) lost myself in those books. I was Anne, on Prince Edward Island at the turn of the century. I fell in love with Gilbert right along with her. That was really the first time I realized the power of the written word. How it could transport you to another time, another place, give you an all access pass into someone else's thoughts and feelings.

I didn't realize I was a writer, however, until my sophomore year in college. On a whim, I signed up for a fiction workshop. I felt like I needed something light in an otherwise heavy schedule (I was preparing to major in psychology and had a courseload full of classes like statistics and social psychology). As we started the course, reading through Janet Burroway's Writing Fiction and writing short stories to share with the class, I began to see all the books I'd read differently.

I'd always had this idea that stories came out all at once, that a writer sat down at their desk and typed out a novel from start to finish. I had no idea how much thought and effort it took to write a single page or paragraph or sentence. I didn't realize that you could sit down to write one story, and end up writing something completely different.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The more I learned about writing, the more I learned to read like a writer. To appreciate the beauty of a well paced plot, enjoy a particularly well-rounded character, admire a setting described so well you could feel the bitter cold or sunshine on your face. In short, I began to learn to recognize good writing when I read it. Thinking back over all the novels I'd read through my life, I realized that the ones that really stayed with me, the ones I'd read over and over, were also the ones that were written well.

So what happened next? Stay tuned for my next post, where I'll tell you about my first (awful) attempt at actually writing fiction...